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The struggle is real

When I started this blog, I knew that I would write about both my triumphs and challenges. It's a way for me to acknowledge that there will be some challenges, but it's not a show stopper.

I took my first TAI-CHI class tonight. Interesting! I am seeking to incorporate different types of exercise in my routine. It seems that the top two class offerings in cancer related exercise classes are: Yoga and Tai-Chi. So, why shouldn't I try? I can certainly see why Tai Chi and Yoga are beneficial for me. While the movements are slow and not cardiac pounding, it is definitely a wake-up call for the lungs, muscles, and joints. It will be good for me. I hope to maybe continue doing it at least once a week. I was reminded that I had an aggressive chemo treatment (in fact, I read that I had the 'most' aggressive treatment that could be given).

I'm suffering from neuropathy in my feet, swelling in my left hand / arm, and fatigue. For the last couple of weeks, I've been experiencing nausea. As I stood in the TAI CHI pose tonight, I had to break from standing poses because my left arm hurt or my shoulders hurt. I looked around at some of the older participants who didn't seem to have any problems. High 5 to them! As for me, I had to keep adjusting my feet because I couldn't feel my toes. As much as I wanted to focus on this new form/discipline, my mind kept traveling to the long road ahead. I've said during this journey that looking back is sometimes helpful because I'm reminded of how far I've come. Other times, I've had to look ahead because having something to look forward to was exciting. I teeter totter between both needing to look back and ahead to pull myself through 'down days'.

Did I say I want to be a tri athlete. YES! And, I DO!!!! It's going to require a strong mental and physical fortitude. I've fought through these things as best I could. Honestly, I sometimes miss the 'old' me. In other ways, I know there is a better 'me' that has evolved.

As I moved from one position to the next during the Tai Chi class, I worked hard to remind myself that I will need to adjust my thinking and accept today's reality. It doesn't mean "I can't" or "I won't". It just means "Not right away" or "Not right now".

Progression is what I seek, not perfection.......

Breathe and let go of the pressures to push so hard & enjoy the ride, Carletta

P.S. I am so happy to have seen a dear friend, Mattie, at Tai Chi tonight. To me, it was confirmation that Tai Chi is where I need to be :-D.

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